It has a word.

What I have been suffering from. It finally has a word. A name I can attach to my symptoms.



I am exhausted and just about ready for bed. Besides, I'm lazy right now. So I don't feel up to typing about my appointment or what I know about the condition. So please enjoy the lovely link and graphic to help you understand, while I go and crash!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fibromyalgia



Get it now?

Lots of people don't believe that it exists. Those people can go fall in a hole.

Nighty night~

Santa.

He treated me pretty nicely this year. I got a dog, a Flip Ultra camcorder, a couple movies, a couple books, a pair of sweatpants, and a new tote bag. Oh and a new pair of boots.

SANTA YOU RULE! <3

I forgot about this.

I honestly forgot about this blog, in all the schoolwork. And stress. And LIFE.

The fall semester just ended on the 15th. Today is Christmas Eve.

(six paragraphs were deleted from here on 12/28/09 due to the fact that I decided to keep them to myself)

Do I have any real friends? The only person that I feel I can talk to about everything is my boyfriend. He does his best not to get impatient with me, or judge me, or tell me what to do. Sometimes all a girl needs is to be listened to, and hugged, and told it will be ok. That's all I need sometimes, you know? I don't need to be told to buck up and get over it. I am a woman. Most women need compassion and understanding or they feel they can't talk to you about things any more.

I reckon I still have a couple girlfriends that I can really talk to openly. But that's it. I am not loveable or fun or social at first sight, and people do not find themselves attracted to talk to me. I am not a beautiful butterfly around which flock crowds of people, boys who want to date me, girls ho want to be me. I am Natasha. Simply. I am nothing special. I wear my emotions on my face and my heart on my sleeve. And when my face reads to people that I have a difficult home life, well, that tends to push away a person. But the few that do worm their way in regardless of that white fence I keep up around myself are very dear to me, and I hold them in the sacred place of my heart.

By the way, I got a dog on Friday. Her name is Iris and she picked me. And I don't think she will ever stab me in the back, nor will anyone love me as unconditionally as she does, seeing with non-judgmental eyes. If only more people could be as non-judgmental as dogs, think of how peaceful the world would be...

Ah, a sigh of.... well, I'm not quite sure what.

Relief?

Disappointment?

Both?

Relief because finals are over. Yay!

Disappointment because I did shitty. Boo!

One final down...

...two more and a lab practical to go. >____<

Today I had my English final, then on Thursday I have my biology lab practical (which is the same as saying lab final), Friday I have my college algebra final, and then next Tuesday I have my biology lecture final.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

I hate finals. But the cool thing about my math final is if you get a better grade on the final than your overall grade in the class, then your better grade on the final BECOMES your grade for the whole class, which is awesome for me if I do well because I SUCK in math so my overall grade it not that great. I'm SO excited to just do well on all these finals and get them over with so I can move on to my BADASS SUMMER!

Goals to attain this summer:

• Get some tattoos, one on my foot and maybe one on my back (Alycia you are going with me and we are doing this together!!!)
• Go on some real dates with my boyfriend, because we never have time for any real ones while I'm in school.
• Make multiple trips to the zoo and the aviary (my parents got a zoo membership... free zoo trips with my parents and/or free passes for any friends who want to go! W00t w00t!)
  
• Hopefully have a wonderful and dazzling one year anniversary! :-*
• GO TO OTAKON WITH AWESOME PEOPLE!!!!

Sweet Relief

Today I am relieved, for several reasons.

I sit at a computer in the library at school to explain why.

When I say that I have fallen terribly behind in schoolwork, I am not joking. I only completed SOME of the beginning stuff of my online course, Medical Terminology. And we are rapidly approaching the end of the semester, as in, last days and finals are all within the next week and a half (YESSS!). So I was fearing the worst... I am going to recieve a fail grade, I am going to have a horrible grade point average, I am going to be frowned upon when I enter my radiology program, or worse, not even be allowed to enter the program.

But my medical terminology teacher is BADASS. She rocks. She is simply going to give me an incomplete and allow me to finish the material at my own pace over the summer. DING DING we have a winner!

Also recently I have missed some English classes due to not feeling well and other things. In those two classes I missed A LOT of important material. Due dates flew by and I felt like a miserable failure. But, you see, my English teacher is also completely awesome, and she is allowing me to finish this stuff past their due dates.

SAWEEEEEEET.

And another thing that I am relieved about. Yesterday and continuing into last night, Randy and I had a horrible fight. It started out as nothing but gradually escalated into little things that have just irked me so much lately. I feel in so many ways that he has changed into someone different from the man I started dating nine and a half months ago, someone that I no longer wanted to date at all.

After a difficult, hour-long argument on the phone that ended in tears for me, I was beginning to suggest that we take a break in out relationship. I told him that he is losing me and that he was breaking my heart and I couldn't talk to him any more about it. A few minutes later I recieved a text from him.

"I love u ill be there in 20"

I called him back and told him he didn't have to come.

"I'm coming. We need to see each other and talk. I am NOT going to let this happen."

And there he was, twenty minutes later, on my doorstep. I practically fell into his arms.

So the relief is in the fact that we did work it out in the end. I want nothing more than for us to continue being not only in a relationship, but best friends. And he'd probably hate for me to type this, but... the tear that rolled down his cheek last night told me that he was sincere and willing to do anything to keep us strong and together.

Bless the man for trying to keep up with my strong, erratic emotions. All I can say is this: he must really love me.

Work and School and Birds

Hell smells like dog food and cedar chips.

I seriously need a new job. The pet store... and the people I work with... are slowly but surely sucking out all of my good brain cells. I swear, that place has done nothing for me recently but to cause me to be increasingly crabby and violent in my speech. This is partly because the man who owns the place is HORRIBLE, and partly because the people I work with are HORRIBLE. I don't get along with stupid people. Can you derive my point from what I have said?

If not, then let me plainly say... I HATE STUPID PEOPLE AND THE PEOPLE I WORK WITH ARE ALL STUPID.

And they get pissed off at me because I'm smarter and know how to spell things and use grammar properly.

Anyway... Wow... my brain is so overloaded with schoolwork lately, it's not even funny. I can't keep up. I have fallen so sadly behind that it's pathetic. I have become a horrible student. *smacks self*

And another thing! I have made two visits to the National Aviary, both in the past 4 days, and I am absolutely in love with it. I met a customer at the pet store last year and we got to talking... well, turned out she works at the Aviary, and she gave me free tickets! So I went... twice... once with my parents and once with Randy, and I could just see it. I could see myself there. I could see myself training the birds, and putting the microphone headset on and talking to all the people during the interactive feedings. I could see myself training the Eurasian Eagle Owls to behave for the Flitezone Show in the summertime.

So I asked my friend who works there how one goes about getting a job there, and she practivally shoved an application into my hands with as much enthusiasm as a puppy that has to wee.

Free tickets and personally walking me to admissions to ask for an application for me... needless to say, I think she likes me! :)

BTW, pictures from the Aviary coming later!

Trying to justify signing up for another website...

Alycia always convinces me to sign up with new web sites... so I am obliged to keep more and more updated. :P I used to just have Myspace and Xanga (lost my pwd for this one... oops), but then I was told by SOMEONE I should get Facebook, and this, and Deviantart... ;) THANKS UNNIE!!!

Anyway, I guess this will be fun. I can put pictures on here... right? But then, I can do that on any of my OTHER three obligations... But I can vent here too! But Myspace has a bog for that! @_@

Why did I sign up for this thing again?!